Certainties


There are only two certainties in life. Death. And, Oh Ya, that other thing, whatever it is. I think maybe it’s called extreme anxiety.

For a lot of us right now, one of the biggest anxieties is about whether or not you or someone you love is going to get the coronavirus and die a horrible painful death. Can you imagine if you carried that level of anxiety about your health with you every day of your life?

This is precisely how I and many other people with serious chronic illness or pain live every day.

Waking up to a good day, when I’m not in so much pain, or simply in less pain, would be a good reason to celebrate. Or so you would think, but it isn’t necessarily so. If I’m not in serious pain right now, I’m probably super anxious about when it will start up again, since it’s seldom very long until the next session. Can you imagine being so fearful of your next bout of pain that you can’t ever be rid of the sense of dread that hangs over you.

And people who come in contact with me try to cheer me up by saying something like, “Don’t worry it, it can’t last forever, can it?” “Just get over it, you’re too obsessed with it.” As if I, someone with serious chronic pain wouldn’t part with anything I have to make it go away. And, well, yes, it can bloody well last forever, well, at least until I die from it, or some other condition that doesn’t happen to hurt, right now.

If I seem focused on feeling sorry for myself, just leave me alone. If you just can’t provide some comfort to me, exactly as I need it right now, then please get out of my face. I hardly need you to tell me to cheer up. And if you can’t handle it to see me suffering in pain, then just don’t. Leave. Piss off.

For me, and a lot of people with chronic pain, the coronavirus is just more thing to worry about, and make me more anxious about everything I have to do, everybody I have to see, and also more fearful about being able to obtain the bare necessities of life.

As if there isn’t enough to stress out about already, without the Damned Tsunami Pandemic, sweeping over the whole world.

To someone with a serious disease and chronic pain, death isn’t the scariest thing, it’s just the most certain.

13 thoughts on “Certainties

  1. Sorry to hear about your pain! I would love to say, “don’t worry, this will be over in no time!” That is what I have told myself over and over again. Yet it brings me no comfort. To be honest, I do not think there are any words of solace but take each day one at a time and look forwards to the sun shining!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I to am sorry to hear about your pain. My response to those who say ‘get over it” would be to put them in a dental chair, extract a molar, maybe do a root canal at the same session without anesthesia … and then have someone say “Get over it. You’re obsessing over it.” People can be so selfish and cruel … that is … until it becomes THEIR time to hurt. Idiots.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I have 2 family members who suffer from chronic pain. I have to say it is difficult to watch them suffer, but it is also difficult because I feel hopeless about the situation and unlike other illnesses, chronic pain isn’t visible, other than possibly in the facial expressions of the one who is suffering. It is unfortunate that the medical society has very little to offer chronic pain sufferers and often times dismiss those who are suffering. I hope by the time you see this comment, you have gotten some relief! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A very famous author, Dorothy Parker in 1931 published her Death and Taxes book. Tongue in cheek, when asked suggested that two the only sure things in life were indeed death and taxes. Having read of Dorothy Parker’s life and often cynical outlook on life, I can yet but agree that these in fact are but the two sure things in human life. One gets over anxiety of any sort, but ain’t any chance of bypassing death or ever living in a world without taxes, at least until man finally blows up this planet, of which he is well on his way!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi, I am new here and was drawn in by this post. I am truly sorry that you suffer the pain and anxiety of inescapable pain. As a trial lawyer (Please don’t hold it against me. lol), who after 15 years of practice, was forced to stop practicing because of the intractable pain from fibromyalgia, I feel you.

    In the past 20+ years, I can count on my ten fingers the days that I woke pain free. Honestly, there is rarely a day without pain. However, I find that they make me appreciate, even more, the sweet surprise, wonder and bliss of those days when the pain is minimal or under control. On those days, I wake up with thoughts of the beautiful sunrise and the welcome day ahead of me, instead of being bombarded with the presence of pain that clouds any positive mind. I guess that the best that one in our situation can hope for are more things without debilitating pain that days with such pain.
    May there be minutes are, even seconds, today that your pain level allows you to focus on the beauty and joy In your life. May you know peace today. I guess that my children and grandchildren serve as my touchstone for my “level of pleasure.” Even if I am having a particularly bad day, they never fail to bring a smile to my face, if only for a time. I pray that you have something that can serve the same purpose, that is, to mitigate the thoughts and feelings that come with 24/7 pain, and that mitigate the ever present pain.

    Blessings and 🙏🏽 for sharing, Lydia

    Liked by 2 people

    • My life is filled with blessings, despite my health problems and constant pain. I give thanks every day for the people in my life who I love and who love me back.

      I also have wonderful memories from my life, of lovers loved, of beauty created, and the magic of raising a bunch of wonderful kids.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for your brutal honesty. We cannot simply wish the pain away. I can only imagine the endurance you possess to deal with this issue of chronic pain alongside extreme anxiety, yet you manage to create an outlet where readers can have an awareness of what it is like and what’s helpful not to say. I wish you well despite all of the uncertainties.

    Liked by 1 person

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